I showed him my bush... on skype.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
