A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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