Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
