I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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