a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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