I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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