so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
