The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
