like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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