Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
