Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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