The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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