My balls are so social today.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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