when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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