hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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