He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
