I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
