??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When are your genitals available?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
