At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
