im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
