I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
