I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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