i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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