OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Semen is not good for contacts.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
