You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
