I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
