ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
