I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
