I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
