He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And then my night got REAL pukey
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
