I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
