party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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