I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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