Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
