The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
