Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
