hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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