Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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