we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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