Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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