You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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