Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
