we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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