found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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