just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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