Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
