I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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