my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
