What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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