goodnight i made you a song goodbye
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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