i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
