just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
